Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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