I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
