this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
