just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize