That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
