I can tuck mytits in my pants
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
