i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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