I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
