i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
