Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
