I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
