She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
