it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize