one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
