Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
