He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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