Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
