I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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