i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize