There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
