im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize