we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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