How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
