Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
