she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
