really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
