BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
