Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
