just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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