I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
