I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
