You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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