hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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