I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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