i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
