I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
