Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
