Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
