She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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