What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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