i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize