Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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