Plan B is the new Plan A
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
