thus making me awesome and them whores
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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