she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
