Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
