friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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