whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
