You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
