Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
