i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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