Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
