Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
