Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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