So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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