Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
