he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
