I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
