I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
