My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
