are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
