there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
