I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
