What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize