I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
