So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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