Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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