Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
