ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
