So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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