just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize