Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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