is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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