We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
