i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
