1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
