I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
