He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i will never coherently bang her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
