She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
