Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize