Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
