i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize