in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
