Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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