I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
