I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
