you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize