i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
