If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
