I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
NoShamevember. You game?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize