Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
