have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
