STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
