Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
