you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
