I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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