Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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