dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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