I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
