he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
