Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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