Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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