you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
